


Why There Are No Snakes in Ireland

by Jantique



Category: Stargate - All Series, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Deconstructing history, Gen, Holiday, Humor, St. Patrick's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-09
Updated: 2015-03-09
Packaged: 2018-03-17 03:54:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3514430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jantique/pseuds/Jantique
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daniel explains how the Goa’uld affected history on Earth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why There Are No Snakes in Ireland

**Author's Note:**

> I am neither Irish nor Catholic. Whatthehell, someone had to write it.

Daniel was enthusiastic. For a change. Don’t get him wrong, Jack _appreciated_ enthusiasm. It was just that sometimes Daniel had the energy (and aim) of a hyper-active Golden Retriever puppy combined with the self-preservation instincts of a 16-year-old who just got his license. Fortunately, today they were safely on Earth. Jack was in the cafeteria enjoying a piece of chocolate-blueberry pie (which was what happened when you smushed two pieces together). With whipped cream in the middle. It was delicious. Why had he never thought of this before?

So when Daniel came rushing in, carrying books and talking a mile a minute as soon as he came into range, Jack was inclined to be Zen about it. As long as he didn’t have to get up. Or stop eating.

“Jack, we’ve been reading history wrong for so many years. It explains so much when you actually know about the Goa’uld invasion of Earth”, Daniel said enthusiastically.

“Well, _yea-ah_ , ancient Egypt,” Jack drawled, “but not a lot since then.” He popped in another bite of choco-berry. _Mmm, pie_.

Which of course was the very point Daniel was trying to refute. “No, no, listen, to this. There were several minor Goa’uld who left Egypt before the rebellion, wanted to set up their own little kingdoms. Some of them drifted to Western Europe. The local populations there were, um, at a lower state of cultural development—”

“You can say ‘primitive’”, Jack permitted. Politically incorrect: a dirty job but someone had to do it.

No, Daniel could not. “Jack! They were _not_ primitive, they just developed differently—the _point_ is, the Goa’uld became minor gods and were worshipped. But over time, as Christianity gradually spread westward, people stopped believing in _other_ gods, who then became _false_ gods.”

“Such as the snakes,” Jack grinned.

“Exactly. These guys didn’t have any real power, other than a few party tricks, and were gradually overthrown. The last few were pushed to the British Isles, and finally to Eire. They stayed there for a few centuries, and we know that the Druids worshipped _snakes_ , but in the fifth century, one of the missionaries apparently figured out the difference between the Goa’uld and the hosts, and how if you killed the host, the Goa’uld would just slither over to a new host. He raised the population and, um, they fought and won.” Daniel trailed off.

Jack raised his head. “Whoa, that last sentence was short about a paragraph or two.”

“Well, history isn’t too clear about who the specific Goa’uld were or exactly what happened, but when the good guys won, um, apparently they cut the heads off the hosts and threw the Goa’uld into the sea. The North Atlantic. The Goa’uld couldn’t survive in that.”

Jack beamed. “Excellent!” Now what was that _look_ on Daniel’s face? He quickly added, “I mean, it’s too bad for the hosts and all, but they had no way of extracting the snakes, right? C’mon, they did what they had to do.”

Daniel sighed. “Yeah, I know.” He brightened and added, “So see, we’ve basically known this story all along; we just didn’t know how to interpret it. That’s what I was saying.”

Jack thought for a minute. “I didn’t know this story all along.”

“Sure you did, Jack. You probably knew it better than I did. Just think about it without the Goa’uld.” Oh, that was definitely a ‘I-know-something-you-don’t-know-and-I’m-going-to-make-you figure-it-out’ grin Daniel was sporting. The good news was, it was something Daniel thought he _could_ figure out. Fine. Jack rubbed his hands together, (wiped off the smeared whipped cream,) set the mental gears in motion, and got to work.

“Okay, you said this was in the British—no, wait, did you say Eire? As in Ireland?”

“Yes, Jack,” _oh, so long-suffering_ , “Eire as in Ireland.”

“And this guy, this missionary—do we at least know _his_ name?”

“His name was Pádraig.”

“Okay, so….” Jack stopped stone-dead. “No. Oh, no. Are you telling me that SAINT PATRICK—”

And now Daniel had a totally shit-eating grin as he chimed in, “—drove the snakes out of Ireland!”

 

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, y’all!


End file.
